We are all travellers, together. Travelling through the multitude of things that make up our world – our universe. We travel through the hard times, the tricky times, the times when you just want to bury your head in the sand and hope that it will all disappear and you can wake up in a bright new tomorrow.
Bu why wait for tomorrow? Your hardships might not disappear overnight but you do not have to live in them for all time. Start by seeking the beauty around you. Look for the beauty in everyday things. Look at your tea cup, or a fork. Tell me what you see.
Then, when you grow to understand the beauty that can be found in every simple, ordinary item – look wider. Take your view to a bigger arena. That might be the street where you live, the face of a loved one, an old motorbike, or a single blade of grass growing up between the flagstones.
Look bigger. Watch the clouds, seek out the mountains and rivers. Talk with the trees. And when you can feel that beauty, and strength and functionality in your heart – go bigger still and get out where you can gaze up to the Milky Way.
That is where you can gain perspective. That is where you can come to realise that you are but a small mote of dust in the immensity of the wonderous universe.
And with that perspective, your troubles won’t seem quite so large a burden.
If you are gaining something that aids you in your life journey – knowledge, recognition, guidance – or just something to ponder, and you would like to see more – please hit Like and subscribe to having this delivered straight to you . I thank you for taking the time to read this – see you next time! Auri’An
In many ways, re-starting regular contemplative “readings” right now is a little strange, and although the topics I am discussing are for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity as a whole, they also sing loudly for me personally. But then – I am a part of the Collective. Just as you are. More than 8 billion threads of life, each contributing to the gigantic tapestry of humanity. Imagine what that would look like from space! How beautiful it must be in its diversity. And its singularity. We must never forget that although we can often feel alone, we are just one tiny – and very essential – piece of the whole pattern.
Sometimes that aloneness can be hard. We forget that outside our own protective bubble, there are others who also feel as if they cannot see past the walls around them. We can feel hemmed in, able to see the unreachable sky, but not able to reach beyond the barriers we have allowed to grow around us.
When we feel like that, we have a choice. There is always a choice, but sometimes it is hard to see. We can sit in our field of choice, surrounded by the high walls that we have either fallen into or allowed to grow around us, or we can do the work we need to get out of that and see what is beyond. We have all the tools we need to dig ourselves out.
The person in this picture is using a sledgehammer to break through the barriers he has around him. Breaking down walls doesn’t have to be so hard if you hit it in the right place, with the right tools and the right mind-set. My personal tools are strength, resilience, belief, trust, and knowledge. I often forget that I hold these tools, especially when I get overwhelmed. Sometimes I need another person to hold me up when it gets hard and remind me that I am not alone.
Things happen – sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes they creep up on you and just about knock you off your feet.
Things happen – sometimes they are just embarrassing or awkward; sometimes they make you want to curl up and hide from the world.
Things happen – that confuse you, or makes you question everything you know about yourself.
You are a human, having a human experience, and it is impossible to escape ‘things happening’. The thing is, how do you react when they do?
For me – I sometimes get overwhelmed. I cry. It sometimes seems as if I will never stop crying. I can’t think. My mind turns to mush and I literally cannot remember anything from one minute to the next. Other times, other things, and I suddenly find a strength I had no idea I owned and I jump in and deal with whatever it is.
When things happen we are faced with a choice. In this card, is the rider holding a flag of surrender? Is she racing away from danger? Could she be riding into danger?
Whatever the ‘thing’ that is happening turns out to be, there is one thing it is so very important not to forget. We are strong. We are valiant, and we are courageous.
In this card, the rider has no saddle or stirrups, she has only one hand on the reins because the other is holding the flag – which could be of surrender or of peace. It makes no difference if she is running from or to her ‘thing’, she has trust in her companion and guide, even as, in the form of a horse, it is taking a leap over a wall. She is not only strong and valiant and courageous, but she also has trust and faith that whatever direction she chooses – it will be the right one.
We are all on a life journey and sometimes we can look ahead and wonder what lies around the next corner. Sometimes it’s enough to simply hope we get through the day; but the past is where we often focus most strongly. It is our history. It is our Story. It is what made us who we are now.
Our story has many twists and turns: some good, filled with joy and laughter and sunshine; some not so good. And how often, when we look back through our lives, is it the hard times that stand out most strongly?
What is good to recall is that without those hard times to challenge us, to encourage us to understand Self and see what makes us who we are, we would never have built the strength we need to be able to step into the unknown future.
We are here. We stand in strength and clarity precisely because of the past times we have lived through – the good times and the hard times. And it is that knowledge that helps us stand tall and proud.
Healing the past doesn’t always mean digging deep into the wounds. Sometimes it simply means accepting those wounds as part of who we are.
It is a journey that allows for the individual to seek knowledge, to experience, to learn and to grow. It is something that every being throughout the Cosmos is doing – travelling the path of life.
My life path has taken me – much like anyone else’s – on a journey that has ups and downs: mountains to climb, rivers to ford, meadows to dance through, and every now and then you reach a point where the path forward diverges. A place in your life where you are faced with a choice – do I carry forward on the path I know so well and feel comfortable travelling, even if it hurts, or do I follow a different route, seek the unknown and the possible expansion of consciousness.
Last October, when my spiritual teacher, Essence Ka tha’ras, asked me a question: Who are you without your wounds? I found myself at one of those cross-roads in life, although I was not really aware of the choices I was about the make. Choices that set me on a path into the unknown resulting in my first book “Hidden in a Dark Place”. I thought I’d answered my question in that book, but in reality, I had only peeled back the first layer of the onion.
In my research for this book, I discovered that I am not neuro-typical, I am neuro-divergent. At 67 years of age I discovered a whole list of ‘labels’ that apply to me: Autism, Aphantasia, SDAM, and a whole heap more. Many people discovering these things in later life see them as a bane to carry. I choose to see them as a gift.
At the same time as this research was occurring, I was doing deep work on Self from a spiritual perspective and I have also taken a big step forward on that journey. When I look at the new path I am following, I see that it too has its ups and downs, its mountains and valleys, but now I can see that instead of it just marching forward as my earlier path did, it meanders. I am able, on this new journey pathway, to take side trips to check things out – like studying the Tao Te Ching, reading The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot; listening to a recording by Baba Ram Dass, or working out how to make gluten-free, sugar-free pancakes that don’t taste like sawdust. And winding through, crossing over and under the main journey of spiritual seeking, are the pathways of my neuro-divergency.
Krone Auri’An: I will always be Krone, even though my path has changed direction.
Am I a wise woman? As always, that is up to you to decide.
Right now though, I invite you to come with me on my Journey through spirituality, neuro-diversity, meditating, cloud-watching, animal messengers, fidget toys, and whatever else turns up in the sunshine and the rain of life. I will, mainly, be writing these things for me – so I do not lose the memories, as happens with SDAM – but if just one person gains information, support, joy or anything else they need in their own journey – then I see myself as truly blessed.
Yesterday was a beautiful day here in the Far North of Queensland, and I was sitting at my desk, with the patio doors wide open onto my balcony, with amazing views of water, ringed by mountains, when a cheeky little fellow came to visit.
He walked across the balcony, stopped, and looked inside my lounge room and then calmly walked in. He totally ignored me and proceeded to explore. He walked into the kitchen, came out, did a tour of the sofa, inspected the coffee table had a good look at my meditation cushion and then just as calmly walked out. Obviously his dinner was not to be found in my house!
Who was my fearless little visitor? One of Australia’s most gorgeous, cheeky, and gregarious birds – a Willie Wagtail.
It’s common where I live, to see one of these little fellows when I go for a walk, hopping along, wagging that gorgeous fantail across the grass in order to disturb the insects and find his dinner. And as you keep walking you often become convinced that it’s the same bird that you see just a little further on. I rather think that Willie Wagtails like play games with you to make you think you are seeing the same bird when you are not!
Let’s remind each other how wonderful this world is!
Whatever their game is, it is guaranteed to make you smile. You just can’t help but grin. These little birds lift your spirits and let you know that life really is worth living. They are just filled with positive energy that they are so very happy to share with you, and all they ask is that you communicate that energy to other people you meet.
But it’s not all fun and games with a Willie Wagtail. They are very territorial and, like any fierce warrior will take on threats that are huge in comparison to it’s small size. These little birds will even have a go at a crow or a kookaburra if they think their territory is being attacked!
What is the message from Willie Wagtail? It doesn’t matter how big your problems are, you’ve got this. If you have something to resolve, something that makes you angry or anxious – especially if it’s something that has hung around for a while, then it’s time to look into it and see what you need to do heal. He brings good luck and the knowledge that the karma we carry can be resolved.
Willie Wagtail also reminds us that we are here for the long game and we need determination and hard work in order to achieve our goals and our dreams, and if you find the going tough, if you feel alone in your struggles or need help in protecting what is yours – call on Willie Wagtail for help.
Life isn’t only about hard yakka – be curious, learn new things, and share Willie Wagtail’s sense of fun by smiling at everyone you meet – including yourself!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it helps in some way. Please hit Like and if you’d like to see more Animal Medicine and Krone chatter, please subscribe to receive email notification.
My book, Hidden in a Dark Place is now available on Amazon in paperback and ebook formats. It’s also available as part of Kindle Unlimited.
Also – Please check out my You Tube channel. New meditations have recently been released. These are suitable for those with Aphantasia as there are no visualisations.
Here, we are being told that whatever is happening in the greater community, so too does it happen within the smaller community. It doesn’t matter if the community is a gathering of your friends or the entire cosmos – there will be similarities of form and of action. We all have access to photos that show that electrons are very similar in form to galaxies. Researchers know that asking questions of a small sample of the population can give a good idea of what is happening in the rest of the country.
As Above – that could be you as a human being, and So Below: you at the molecular level of your internal infrastructure. If you, as a human being for example, is suffering trauma, it will reflect at your cellular level.
It is the fractal nature of life.
For me, as an Aphant, it seems that being able to interpret these things through visualisation could be limiting. For me – and, of course, you could be different – I feel that being able to see something in my minds eye would be like seeing something that has boundaries, that doesn’t have the limitless depth my personal dark field of mental vision holds.
I may be wrong, because I don’t visualise in my mind, but it appears that through visualisation within the mind, we can only look at a small portion, in the same way as our physical eyes can only focus on a small portion of what is in front of us. The peripheral vision is hazy. We focus on the tree, but we don’t fully see the forest even though we are aware of it.
In many circumstances this ability to mentally zoom in on what has caught your attention can be beneficial, but when you don’t have that inner vision, and you are not limited by what you see in your mind, then you have a choice. You can decide that because of your differences, you are dysfunctional and then follow that path, or you can chose to view your aphantasia as a gift that allows you to push all boundaries.
Think about being unlimited by visualisation; about choosing to strengthen your connection to other aspects of your body – your proprioception, for example. Where you are in space. This is our sixth sense. It’s how we know where our nose is when our eyes are closed. It’s how we know whether we are standing upright, or on a slope. It is a sense that gives us immense amounts of information and, unless we really think about it, we are totally, consciously, unaware.
What if we can tap into that, and the other senses of our body. What if we can feel what is around us. What if we could chose to take a snapshot of what our body is experiencing during the times that we know we want to hold onto. If we can’t mentally recall those special times through inner sight – could we possibly learn to utilise our other senses? I know that I already do that – but only with the events in my life that were traumatic. My body recalls the fear.
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I feel that if we could learn how to consciously connect into our Inner Alchemy in order to Feel and to Know, we could have the potential of limitless knowledge.
The message I received today is that we are poised on the threshold of evolutionary potentiality for the human species; that neuro-divergency is a doorway to the future that will guide humans to the next level of being able to reach for the stars. For humans to continue to evolve, we have to change not only our mind-set, but our internal infrastructure. We have to stop being held by the boundaries that have guided humans so well for millennia. The human species needs to catch up with the technology that is going to outstrip us all too soon. And those with differently-wired brains? We could be the way forward.
Is this something that will happen quickly?
No. Evolution of a species is not something that happens quickly. It could take millennia.
Can we learn to look deeper within in order to better understand the cosmos?
I think we can – to some extent. Eventually. This is one of the potentials that we hold. There are those who are considered neuro-divergent, whose minds are constantly busy, gathering information and able to laser-focus on to something, even if it’s only for a short time. There are others who can easily switch off all thoughts and exist in nothingness, in The Void, where everything holds potential.
Daily, it seems, more and more humans are recognising their differences to what has been considered ‘normal’ for our species. Are these so-called ‘neuro-divergencies’ really something that have risen to the surface over the last 50 years or so, or could it be that we are only now recognising something that has been evolving for just as long as we have been on this planet. That it is only in the last decade or so that we have had the knowledge, he equipment and the skills to be able to measure these differences.
Humans have many differences. We have different colourations in skin and hair, and eyes. We come in different heights and different body shapes. We have different personalities, different likes, and different dislikes. Different features. We recognise each other by our differences.
Why should being neuro-divergent, of having different ways of thinking, be any different to having different blood types or hair colour or even leg length?
We are not ‘divergent’. None of us are special and we are not deficient. We are part of the wonderful complexity and diversity of humanity. And humanity is evolving. The choices that we make, as the Collective Consciousness of Humanity, as to what is acceptable and what is not, will directly affect how humans will evolve.
Could it be, that by thinking that certain differences in human physiology and neurology are not really acceptable – in trying to make us all fit into one mould – that we limit the very thing that could guide us into the next stage of human evolution?
This is how my neuro-divergent mind works. Something pops into my head – in this case, ‘As above, so below’ – and I am led on a very interesting train of thought!!! And all whilst breakfast is cooking!
Thank you for reading this blog. I do hope it gave you something to think about and I welcome any comments you would like to make. If you want to read more of my work, may I suggest that you sign up for email notification? I’m not very regular in my posts!
My book, Hidden in a Dark Place is now available on Amazon in paperback and ebook formats. It’s also available as part of Kindle Unlimited.
Also – Please check out my You Tube channel. New meditations have recently been released. These are suitable for those with Aphantasia as well as Neuro-typical folk.
When we wonder what it is like to fly like a bird, and we have that weird thought of base jumping off a cliff or free-falling out of an airplane in order to find out what it feels like, what is it in our mind or soul that tells us that that action might just be not in our best interest?
My way of understanding this is that the idea of ego and spirit-self are a bit like the cartoon angel and devil that stand on your shoulders, each offering different perspectives of whatever you are considering.
Ego, to me, is the equivalent of the cartoon devil-aspect although not evil at all. In fact, ego is rather essential. Ego is the aspect of Self that stops us doing things that can cause us harm. That’s actually what its job is. It is that aspect of Self that reminds us that we really do need to have a shower, get dressed and maybe eat breakfast if we are going to get through the day. It’s the aspect of Self that reminds us that however late we are for work, running across the road in the middle of peak traffic is a totally crazy idea. The reason that I equate ego with the devil-aspect is because ego can get too big for its own boots!
We are here, on this planet to experience what it is to be human, and ego is the very part of us that warns us that some experiences are really not worth the risk. It’s an important job, and sometimes our ego can get too puffed up with the responsibility and then it has a tendency to overstep the mark!
The problem is, ego works with limited knowledge. Its knowledge base is all about keeping your human body safe. It’s a job that’s often not very exciting, and relying on common sense, really doesn’t use a whole lot of brain power.
The other aspect, the cartoon angel sitting on our other shoulder, represents our Spirit self, which is able to access a higher level of our mind’s abilities, and it does so at such a rapid pace, that the result is what we term ‘instinctual’. In other words, we can instinctually Know something without obviously understanding how we know. Information is accessed and processed too fast and too accurately for ego to understand and, not understanding of the processes, can lead to distrust and even fear. Distrust and fear trigger the survival response and keeping our human body alive and in good working order is exactly what ego is about.
We are trained, right from our earliest years, to depend upon this limiting function. We are taught to trust the things we can easily see or explain, but to distrust that which is different, unknown or unusual. That training, in some situations, can be lifesaving. In others, it can be the anchor that holds you back from achieving your potential.
As I dig into this, I am on the edge of seeing through the protective sphere of my ego and into the deeper self. The deeper self, the Spirit Self and its intuitive leaps and Knowing, is what allows us to understand and grasp, that we are all – every single Being, every blade of grass, droplet of water or particle of dust – from the same source.
And that thought can be too big for ego to comfortably comprehend.
That is why we have to take conscious control. It’s ego’s job to protect us from our more idiotic ideas, from what is fearful – and something that is too big to be able to explain is often something to be fearful of. We have to take control of ego if we want to delve into that deeper understanding – if we want to strive for Enlightenment.
Ego tries to be all things; to stretch itself beyond what it is designed to do: which is to protect the human self from exceeding what ego understands – and it tries to protect those around us that we perceive may also need help and protection, or knowledge. It is ego that tells us that we are the one to be able to help: that we hold the knowledge and the skills – but do we? Could our over-zealous ego be convincing us that we are the Master when really we are the student?
Is this the ‘devil’ or the ‘angel’ standing on your shoulder?
“No, don’t jump off that cliff to see if you can fly. You know you can’t so don’t be an idiot.”
And is this the ‘angel’ or the ‘devil’ standing on your shoulder?
“Of course you can fix that other person’s problem – it’s not going to cause you physical harm by trying and you do believe you have all the skills…..”
And what about this? Could this be ego?
I read a great book, it changed my life and now I want to use that knowledge to help other people.
This is why an out of control ego can be dangerous, and this is how ego gets too big for its boots. Interesting – hmm?
It’s very muddied I know, but it seems at this point that balancing ego, acting consciously and understanding its role and its essential limitations, is the place we must be in order to deeply explore the spirit self and our connection to all there is.
Thank you for taking the time to read my meanderings. It means a lot to me – especially if you could like and subscribe, and maybe even share.
My book, Hidden in a Dark Place is now available on Amazon in paperback and ebook formats. It’s also available as part of Kindle Unlimited.
Also – Please check out my You Tube channel. New meditations have recently been released. These are suitable for those with Aphantasia as well as Neuro-typical folk.
A few months ago, my spiritual Teacher asked me a question:
Who are you without your wounds?
Essence Ka tha’ras
The wounds she was asking about were the things that have happened in my life that have had a negative effect on me. Childhood events that have coloured my point of view of me! Trauma, PTSD and a whole gamut more!
For the past eight years, I have been working to understand me from a spiritual perspective, after all, despite two breakdowns and daily severe panic attacks, I seemed to have fallen through every crack there is when it comes to mental health care.
I’ve always felt like an alien in this world; an outsider who didn’t fully participate but simply watched and observed. Someone who only seemed able to fully BE when I stood up on a stage to teach.
And so I have been delving into the shadow work. Looking into that dark mirror and working out how to change things for the better.
Actually I have been changing things for a long time, but most of that work was simply preparation. Like seeds planted, I needed to wait until I was ready to take the deep dive – and before I could even do that, I had to know why I felt so alien in my own skin.
I think best by writing – so I wrote. And this is why I have been so quiet on this blog. I ended up writing a book about this journey which was finally published yesterday. I didn’t write it in the hope that I would sell a million copies and gain fame and fortune; I wrote it simply for me. And if anyone reads the book and gains inspiration to seek out those parts of themselves that they do not want to carry through the rest of their lives, then that is a beautiful bonus.
I discovered a lot about me and how I live in this world. I already knew that I have total multi-sensory aphantasia, but in my research I learned that I am also autistic and have Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory (SDAM). I also have anauralia and prosopagnosia. Together, I simply call these things my ‘wonky wiring.’
If you are at all curious, you can find out more by seeking out the book on Amazon. It’s available in paperback and e-book formats.
I really do thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you found it interesting, please hit Like and Subscribe so that you don’t miss future posts.
When you know that your mind doesn’t work in the same way that other people’s minds appear to work, you have a choice. You can either ignore it and get on with life, or you can worry away at it trying to find an answer. Either way you, and probably those around you, are going to be impacted. Most of my life I did my best to ignore it – what I don’t know about my differences won’t bother me. Until I realised that they did.
People – especially my family – consider me weird and crazy, and this doesn’t really bother me much. Sometimes it can be hurtful, but generally I’ve been quite happy to have the mantle of ‘weirdness’ thrown over me and, until recent years, I thought that it was because I have interests that no-one else in my family are even remotely interested in. However, a few years ago my life was impacted in an extremely distressing way and I began my journey to discover what it is that makes my mind appear to work in a different way to what I can observe in those around me. I needed to sort out what it was about me that brought about a particular situation that almost pushed me over the edge during a time when I was already teetering. What is it that makes me ‘weird’ in the eyes of my family.
I had considered that I could be on the Autism Spectrum, did some tests and yes, this is, apparently, “significantly” likely. Would it make the slightest bit of difference in my life if I went and had a full diagnosis? Nope. Not when I am in my 60’s! It’s far more valuable that children can be diagnosed and receive the help that will assist them move through this strange world. So that was pushed to the back of the list.
The first real ‘difference’ came to light a few years ago when I was studying for my Diploma in Meditation Therapy and Holistic Counselling. I discovered that visualising an item in your mind’s eye isn’t just a metaphor – most people really can ‘see’ things in their mind’s eye. I’ve since discovered that it varies a lot. Some people just see something hazy; some in almost a cartoon fashion. Some people see as clearly as if they were looking at the item with their physical eyes and some people can even manipulate the image in their mind – they can turn it around and look at it from a different direction, they can zoom in and out, and more. That was (please forgive the pun) a bit of an eye-opener! What I see most of the time (there have been a few exceptions) is black overlaid with a golden mist.
With this discovery, so much was explained. Further delving, taking some tests, becoming involved with research in Australia, UK, USA and Canada and I came to realise that the majority of people can also really ‘hear’ that song playing in their head; they can look back at their memories and see the face of a loved one in their minds-eye, hear their voice, re-create their smell or the touch of their hair. I can’t do any of those things because I have multi-sensory (total) aphantasia.
Does aphantasia complicate life, or could it possibly even aid it in some way? Not really. Aphants get along quite happily not knowing what we haven’t realised. Our minds have learned to sort out other ways to deal with memory and other topics that the majority of people use mental visualisation to deal with; but as most of us are born with this condition it’s just something we are used to. Some folk though have to deal with suddenly losing these skills due to trauma. That has to be really tough!
I read up on aphantasia, delved into me trying to work out all the quirks and found that I now have a better understanding of why I do things in certain ways. But it didn’t answer all my questions. It turns out that I am not the only aphant with a totally rotten memory.
About 4% of the population has aphantasia to some degree, but it is only 0.8% of people who have total aphantasia, and many aphants also have something called SDAM – Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory which refers to a lifelong inability to vividly recollect or re-experience personal past events from a first-person perspective. I only discovered this a few days ago and after reading some research documents, taking an on-line test (as with aphantasia, SDAM is a relatively newly recognised syndrome and so far there is no definitive test available) and joining a support group, I believe that this might fill in the rest of my gaps.
SDAM is not a brain disease, rather, it refers to the lifelong inability to mentally relive or re-experience personal past events It is where there are some differences in the brain structure and function, mainly in the right hippocampus.
And that brings me to now. Would being diagnosed with SDAM make any differences in my life? Nope, but in a world where many people have considered me “weird and crazy” it would be a relief to be able to have a name that helps me explain my craziness to me. I really don’t care what my family or others think, but I would like to know what it is that makes me feel as if my thought processes are not the same as most other people.
So many loved ones have left my life. Husband, parents, daughter, grandchildren, friends, people who have meant a lot to me; people I love. And I cannot see any of their faces. I cannot describe them. I cannot ‘hear’ their voice, ‘feel’ or ‘smell’ their hair or skin. I have no memories of what we did together – unless some outside source such as a photo, or a relevant topic in conversation triggers the opening of a ‘file’ stored somewhere in my soul and allows the information to come forward.
Right now I am on a Journey. A Journey to discover Who I Am. I may not be able to vividly re-live the various traumas and dramas of my life, but the emotional aspect of these is still very easily brought to life. It’s time to allow these things to be fully released. I need to move away from them and I am seeking who I, Auri’An, may be without the weight of the load I have carried for 67 years. I know that many people I know will not be able to see the connection of me working out the “whys” in order to be able to let go… but chalk it up to my weirdness. It makes sense to me.
Stories and More from Auri'An 