September 2024
We walk this earth for a reason. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to understand that reason and we can make great strides in our life – and sometimes, in the helping of others to come to an understanding of their journey too, we can feel as if we make a beneficial contribution to our society and even our planet. Some of us feel the pull of needing to deeply understand that reason, and some of us are unable to fully grasp what it may be. And so we seek. We wander. At times we are focused, sure of our life path, and at other times we feel as if the rug has been pulled from under our feet.
I am one who seeks that life path. At times it appears as if I know with an absolute certainty where I am travelling. I understand my aims, my goals, and even, if I am lucky, I will find the people I need to help direct me – to teach me what I need to know. At other times it’s as if I have fallen off a cliff. I’ve been known to explain this as taking a high-dive off a skyscraper into a tea cup. These times are distressing, confusing and above all, they are painful: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I have recently taken that high dive once again.
The last time I took that really high-dive was ten years ago in September of 2014 when my whole world collapsed as a Government official accused me – wrongly – of 450 counts of fraud and gleefully told me that each count carried a penalty of $18,500 fine and two years in jail. Yes it was all sorted out; the accountant had mis-laid a box containing the missing documents and everything was above board, but the damage had been done and, to tell the truth, I have never fully recovered from that particular high-dive.
Occasionally, we get the opportunity to come to understand that such disasters can lead one onto a path that may otherwise not be trodden. In my case, that particular high-dive lead to my experiencing what I term as my Initial Spiritual Awakening. That, in its turn, lead to my finding my teacher, and one of this lifetime’s most amazing friends – Essence Ka tha’ras. Under her guidance and tutelage, I stepped into my Spiritual Journey and made an incredible number of discoveries about myself, my place within the Collective Consciousness of Earth through time, space and the dimensions beyond. Many of the beliefs I hold, and will continue to hold, have been formed in these years.
There were other ‘tea-cup’ dives that were equally devastating in different ways and each has been intensely traumatic, but have also brought to me – eventually – the gifts of deeper understanding. One of those deep-dives has been the discovery of the driving force behind the trauma of my life: I am what is termed as having ‘significant mental health issues.’ I’m autistic, with ADHD and a whole slew of other neuro-divergent, congenital wonky-wiring in my head which I collectively call ‘my quirks’.
In recent months I have been working to come to understand these, and especially to understand the impact of almost 70 years of being unaware of these quirks and how they have affected my life. This search has led me through the ancestral path of these quirks and has brought me much peace and understanding of why my family have played the parts they did in the trauma of my life. I have learned that with understanding such things I am able to accept; and with acceptance comes forgiveness – for them and for me.
I have learned that I am a ‘high-masking’ autistic person and, like many people with autism, masking has not just been a means of fitting in, but a matter of survival. With the discovery of my autism, I made the disastrous decision to remove the mask and stand up and acknowledge my neuro-diversity in all its many-coloured facets. I would no longer hide. What I have discovered, just recently, is that the mask not only protected me from this loud, bright and confusing world, but it protected me from myself. I had a projected picture of who I am, that may or may not be true. I don’t know. That projection kept all the vulnerabilities – the quirks – well hidden. I appeared successful, confident, able to achieve anything I aspired to whilst simultaneously, I was dying inside piece by piece. When I removed my autistic mask, I could no longer hide the damage to my psyche.
I have spent the last two years grasping at straws in trying to understand. I wrote my book Hidden In a Dark Place as a means of doing a deep dive into the trauma of my life. I came to understand that with SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory) coupled with multi-sensory Aphantasia, I have no actual memories of my life. I only have the stories that I have told myself and others time and time again, and these stories are not of the happy times of my life. I tried to re-write them, but that turned out to be an impossible task. Now, after letting that work fall by the wayside, I find that even the stories have mainly disappeared. And a life without memories or stories is unanchored.
That is where I am now. Unanchored. Seeking, once again, a reason for this lifetime.
And from one perspective that is just silly. The reason is obvious. It is to understand that life is precious, in whatever form it takes. Each life, each experience we hold – the good and the bad – is what makes us One. We are never the only one to have had such an experience. We are not alone in our emotions. It makes no difference how we view ourselves – our race, religion, gender, ethnicity, intelligence.
We ARE here, simply to experience life.
Auri’An
2024
Oh My!! I just realised that I haven’t updated this section for over 2 years! Where does time fly??
Now I am definitely in the field of being an Old Fart. Or, if I am being polite (and I usually am), I might call myself an Elder. Elders are supposed to be wise – I could be still working on that aspect, and it’s likely to be a life-long job! Whoever considers themselves to be wise? We all know our quirks and idiosyncrasies all too well if we look in the mirror with honest eyes and heart.
For me, these two years since I last updated this part of my blog have been full-on. I have delved deep into my life – the trauma and stress, the illnesses and also the joys and highlights. At least that which I can remember. It’s very easy to keep repeating stories that you believe are true, but which only show one side of the coin. When you discover something new and then review those stories in that new context, so much can change.
For me, that change included discovering I am autistic, with a yard-long list of other neurodivergences. The journey to gain knowledge and understanding of these has been difficult. Then once you have them under your belt, you have to learn to accept that these quirks are what makes you YOU, which leads to a realisation that you have absolutely no idea who you are. Especially if you take away the stories.
And that, my friends, has been my life for the last 2 years. Working out who I am without my wounds. The result has been some very deep dives into what I recall of my past which, because I don’t think inside my head, but rather by typing, became my first book: Hidden in a Dark Place. That was followed by two other books: Life Journeys, and Animal Power, of which great big chunks have appeared in this blog. I’ve almost finished my fourth book which should be published later this year.
Right now I am just starting a new chapter in my life. At 68 years of age I am on my own for the very first time. It’s exciting and scary, especially as I have to look a long way back to discover when my body actually did what I asked it to do! Already, as I barely step forward onto this new path, I am discovering some amazing people I am proud to call friends. You know who you are.
A new path is opening ahead of me and I find myself filled with curiosity about what it may bring, and that nicely introduces a new series in this blog: “Curiosities”
I wonder where it will take us?
Ashirvad Shanti
(Blessings of Peace)
Auri’An
2022!!! Where did the last two years go?
There has been so much that the people of this planet have had to deal with – and I am not going into blow-by-blow info on that – you all know it!
For me? It’s probably been the best two years of my life.
I live in a small community in the north of Queensland and until mid-January 2022 we really hadn’t been hit by the virus; there was very little in the way of isolating, mask-wearing etc and after surviving Tropical Cyclone Yasi ten years ago, the residents of this town are tough. They know what real fear is.
I’ve been working in the community as a volunteer in many things: helping young kids learn to read, hours spent at the local Visitor Information Centre / museum; lots of arts and craft stuff; hosting the C Files (where experts share knowledge and locals share experiences) at Australia’s only UFO Festival and recently I’ve joined the committee of our Regional Arts organisation. I’ve learned how to weave, built beautiful mandalas from toilet rolls and become addicted to polymer clay. Life has been busy.
The work with the International Koalition of Krones has been a major player in the last two years, we have recorded live Zoom chats (links to some of our chats can be found here); I also started a You Tube channel and a Podcast. Phew!
I have just become old enough to qualify as an Aged Pensioner! MAN, I find that to be a source of continual amusement, and that means it’s time for another review of where I am going as I continue to travel this path of life. I sat down, looked at what I enjoyed and what I didn’t and realised that the things that were giving me most grief had to go, and that is the podcast and the You Tube Channel. I like writing. I enjoy writing way more than actually talking. I enjoy making memes (check out my memes page – you are welcome to copy and share). I do sometimes feel as if I am talking to myself – but that doesn’t matter. It brings me a sense of accomplishment, keeps my brain functioning and improves my touch-typing skills (I have a new laptop and in the space of about 6 months I have managed to wear off the letters on most of the keys!)
So that is where I am. I am still Krone, I still have advice, opinions, ideas, thoughts on a host of subjects both Spiritual and Physical and I’m quite happy to share them. And still, it is your choice if you want to take any of these things to heart. Or not.
May 2022 bring to you a year of peaceful exploration of where you are on your life path and in what directions you want to travel. And when you know this direction – may you joyously step out onto the path.
2020
Over the last year or so I’ve undergone a huge transformation in my Self. I’ve worked on the fear I’ve always lived in, on the need to always subsume myself in order to help someone else, and now, with the COVID-19 shutdown, I have been able to take time to anchor all the changes and am ready to move into the next stage in this life of mine.
I am totally committed to my Spiritual Path, I am a Healer, a Spiritual Awakening Facilitator and a fully qualified Holistic Counsellor and Meditation Therapist/Teacher specialising in those tricky times of change, stress, anxiety and more, mainly through talk-therapy, mindfulness, common-sense and homework! If you want results you have to be prepared to do the work!
At the beginning of May 2020, Spirit sent me a nudge with a message that it was time to stop working with individuals (especially as most are quite comfortable with their anxieties and pains, or rather, they’d like to get rid of them but don’t want to do the hard yakka) and that it was time to step up and into the work I am here for – helping the Collective Consciousness of Humanity as it navigates this tricky time in history and makes the decision as to which road humans will take into the future – that of Peace and Love or of Pain and Suffering.
I closed down my business, Ki’An Healing, and only a couple of weeks later I became one of the founder members of the International Koalition of Krones.
I have no idea what this blog will bring to the world. I could end up talking about everything from the meaning of life to how beautiful is the view from my desk to spouting off about things going on around us. I’ll just let it flow. That’s part of the fun of being a Krone – I get to have my say on whatever I want!
My work has begun.
Again,
Gy’ She’ em.
Stories and More from Auri'An 