This is a little peek into how my mind works.  Obviously, I’ve never been in anyone else’s mind (who has) so I can’t compare, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not ‘normal’.  Especially when a simple statement happens to attract my attention. 

Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be. 

Eckhart Tole

This statement appeared in a Facebook meme and made me stop in my tracks.  The owner of the page had invited members to share information about one way that they don’t take life too seriously.  A simple enough question but it triggered my wonky wiring to take a deeper look.  I’ve only been diagnosed about a year and I am still exploring what being autistic means.  I feel that if I can understand more, then I can avoid the misunderstandings that have caused difficulties in my life.

‘Too seriously’

I am autistic.  I have a very literal way of processing information.  I also have anauralia – no inner voice.  I process information best through typing or talking aloud.  Life is always serious.  Or rather, it is not frivolous.  I have no understanding of ‘too seriously.’  Something is either serious or it’s not. 

I have to admit to being really puzzled about this.  There are times when my life has been fun and there are times when I have faced suicidal ideation, but my life, the same as most other people, has fallen somewhere on the bell curve between those two points.  “Too serious” would have to fall off that curve. 

My mind dug deeper into this.  If something is too serious there would have to be a better adjective:  horrendous maybe.  Disastrous would also be good.  There is a nuance here that I can only almost grasp.  I know that the question is not being asked in a literal way, and I know that it is meant only figuratively, but I just can’t grasp what is being meant.

The word too is a very confusing word for this brain of mine.  People say: “You are too literal.” – well yes.  I am either literal or I’m asleep. 

“You are taking what I said too literally.” – well yes.  You said something that was not funny, vague, or whimsical, so why would I not take it literally. 

To my mind the word ‘too’ is really what is causing the confusion.  To me it is accusatory.   If something you do is too much then you have stepped over societal boundaries of accepted behaviour.  And if that is the case, you have gone beyond what is normal human interaction.

Too serious means beyond serious, but the initial question asked doesn’t mean that.  It actually means less than serious, and I know this because the question contains the phrase ‘don’t take life too seriously.’   So we have a double negative making a positive situation.  But is ‘too’ a negative word?  Not normally.  It’s an inclusive word.  Maybe a neuro-typical mind can explain this but my mind just focuses in and then gets caught up like a big ball of knotted string!

Does all this make sense?  Probably not… except you have actually read to this point.  Does it matter?  Probably not… except: as a suggestion – if you are talking with an autistic person, be careful in how you frame questions.  The most innocuous words can send our brains off in strange directions.

And mainly this is a glimpse into the convoluted working of my mind…  all typed out.  If I vocally worked this way through things that attract my attention (and I do try that) all that happens is that the listener gets even more confused than me as I verbally wobble through ideas, then discard them, pick them up again with a different perspective and end up tied up in knots with no clearer understanding.

It is really not at all surprising that misunderstandings happen. And sometimes it’s better to simply let things go. It’s all as clear as mud anyway!

Ashirvad Shanti

Auri’An