Curiosities #4

We talk of love making the world go around.  We talk of our world being a much better place of peace and understanding if only we could love each other.  To these thoughts I agree – but I also disagree.

I’ve been talking with my Teacher, Essence Ka tha’ras, about love.  She has been contemplating this and has come to the realisation that we humans think that love is an emotion.  It’s something we feel.  It’s something that we expect to feel in our lives.  But, as Essence has realised, love is not an emotion, it’s not just something that we feel in our hearts but rather it is an action.  Love is not shown by the rapid beating of our hearts and our sexuality, it is shown in very practical ways – by helping others, by being there for others.  It is the the things that we DO for each other that are the true measure of love.  Humans right now are mainly focused on the feelings we seek or even evoke rather than focusing on the things we can DO that shows our care and understanding.  Love is the hug; the making a phone call and saying Hi, how are you?  I’m here if you need to talk.  Love is making sure that the car has fuel in it when your partner has a long trip the next day.  Love is making sure that the family is fed and has clean clothes.  Love is trudging out to a job you hate, so that you know that your family has a roof over their heads and food in the fridge.

Love truly is the source of human life on this planet – but not the overly romanticised emotions that we have come to understand as love, but in the myriad little actions we do each and every day.  It’s taken me about 40 years to understand what my first husband meant when I was very upset at what appeared to be a distinct lack of caring from him.  I accused him of not loving me or our daughter.  He’d not ever bought me flowers.  His answer caused me so much anger.  He said, “Of course I love you – I do the ironing don’t I?”  I was seeking the hearts and roses that commercialism has taught us for decades is how love is shown. 

Last year I spent some time in therapy.  Emotionally, I have been in a rocky boat for many years and I finally got into a position where I could consult a professional for assistance.  I was shocked when her testing showed that I had no understanding of emotions other than fear.  How could that be when all I seem to do is burst into tears.  I’m filled with emotions.  I’m drowning in emotions.  Surely that is showing that I know what some emotions at least look like?  But no, apparently I have locked down my emotions so very tightly and when I cry it is like a pressure release valve.  Without that I am likely to blow like Vesuvius.  That is something to be fearful of, for sure!  It’s also something I came so very close to doing just yesterday.

Now with Essence’s initial contemplation and my personal follow-through, I am starting to understand that it’s not that I don’t understand that emotion called Love, it’s that we humans have the wrong idea of what love is.  To use Essence’s words “Love is not an emotion.  It is an action.”

So how did we get here?  In the same way that so many people travel nowadays – on the back of consumerism.  We truly believe that love is best expressed with displays of sunsets and roses, with unasked-for gifts and intimate dinners.

We all need to take time to evaluate what we think love is and maybe start the journey to a different understanding.  You may find that you are very happy with how love expresses itself in your life, but for me, that different understanding has shown me a way to heal many of the hurts in my life. 

And all through this ramble, I have only talked of love of others or by others. What about love of Self? We so often forget to show ourselves that love. 

Here is a challenge for this week.  Find a task that you do every day.  An ordinary task like taking a shower or cooking a meal and instead of just doing the task, think of it as an expression of love.  Love for you and those around you.